- overall it is a creative piece of work
- i like that it is told from the 3rd person limited POV of an innocent child
- this is a creative manner with delving with the adult subject matter of 2 adults fighting about adult things
- there are minor grammatical mistakes, it is written in present tense but sometimes deviates to past tense
- "he stomp" should be "he stomps"
- "she grinded" should be "she grinds"
- "stripper slut" should be "slutty stripper"
- "she continued" should be "she continues"
- wrong vocabulary, "the women" but actually he means " the man and woman"
- the dialogue is informative and exposes the context of the situation
- it is well crafted and has good technical english skills
- however it lacks the author's voice because it could have been written by anyone
- perhaps the author should include some nativization to give his piece some identity
- in a nutshell, a promising piece of work with lots of potential to be crafted better if equipped with the right skills and guidance
A129086
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